This is a topic that resonates deeply with me. There are several examples and experiences I can use to bring you closer to why I am so sensitive when it comes to people who show no real concern for those they say they love and care for until they're dead and gone.
The example I wanted to use that would've made a powerful point is a scene from the 1959 movie, a remake of the 1934 original called, Imitation of Life starring Lana Turner, Sandra Dee, Juanita Moore, Mahalia Jackson, and Karin Dicker. The scene in question is at the end of the movie when Karin Dicker's character -- Sarah Jane, came barreling down the street trying to get past the crowd who had gathered to watch the funeral procession of her mother. The body of her mother, 'Annie Johnson', played by Juanita Moore, was being carried by six beautiful Black horses and a carriage fit for a queen.
I couldn't find a snippet of the last scene so I'm going to have to paint the picture using my words and hope that you see the point I'm making through your imagination. Also, for those of you who have never seen or heard of the movie, I suggest you watch it. If you have half a heart and any hint of a conscience, you will walk away with a new and improved understanding of how important it is to show your loved ones that you care while they're here. For yesterday's sickness can lead to today's death and tomorrow's funeral. And then it will be too late -- forever.
Sarah Jane, a high yellow Black woman, was ashamed of her mother's dark complexion and wanted to be free of her presence so she could live what she thought would be a better life passing as a white woman. She mistreated the woman who gave her life, who absorbed unspeakable degradation and humiliation for being a Black woman, and for being a white woman's maid. Mind you, her mother was a maid for that white woman so she could keep a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food in her belly. But when you're a selfish, unappreciative ingrate who can see no further than what you want, how you make others feel with your nonchalant, narcissism is of no consequence to you. O, but there is a price to pay for devaluing the person and/or people who have gone all out for you in an effort to show you how much they care.
Yes, Sarah Jane was blinded by her explicit selfishness which made it easy for her to show nothing but contempt and disrespect to her mother; the only person who really loved her. Unfortunately, when her mother got sick, mostly from a broken heart due to having been ridiculed and put down by her only child, a daughter whom she loved beyond definition, Sarah Jane wasn't there when her mother died. Annie Johnson died alone. O sure she had friends around her at the time of her departure, but the one who really meant the most to her wasn't there. The one she loved with every piece of her broken heart was absent when she needed her the most. And she wasn't absent due to some uncontrollable measure, she was absent because she was more concerned with her life and what she wanted out of it to give a damn about anybody else or to consider how her actions made them feel -- namely her mother.
The end of the movie, as I shared above has Sarah Jane, who has just found out her mom is gone fighting to get to the back of the carriage; but it is too late. No amount of tears or list of apologies matters and is certainly not going to bring her mother back. It is too late forever. She can't make it right. The scene above is the great gospel artist Mahalia Jackson singing at the funeral of the sweet Annie Johnson. Sarah Jane was not there.
Let me bring this home for you. How often have you been too busy to reach out to your elders to simply check on them? How often have you forgotten to remember that loved one who loved and loves you who simply wants to hear your voice, see your face, and hug your neck? How many times have you ignored calls from your mother, father, brother, or sister because you were too caught up into what you thought was important? And maybe what you were doing was important; but it should never cause you to forget to remember the people you say you care about. O sure, we always remember to do the things we want to do and go the places we want to go; its all about us. The selfishness and dismissive attitude that Sarah Jane put on display toward her mother was nasty and despicable, and it is the same attitude that many of us show to those we say we love, making it easy for us to forget to remember that nurturing love they showed us until its time to attend their funeral. Then, you want to cry. Then you want to have remarks about how good they were. Then you want to bring flowers and share your memories with the attendees in a pitiful attempt to pacify your guilt because you so conveniently forgot to remember them while they were alive.
Don't cry now! The tears of an afterthought are nothing more than tears of a guilty conscience that has finally come to the realization that it is too late to remember, and the flowers cannot be appreciated by the party who is the afterthought lying in their eternal bed. Listen to me, I don't care how busy you get or how busy you think you are, you should never be too busy to stop for a minute and place a call to that friend who is sick; to that brother who isn't feeling his best; to that elder who has health problems; to that sister who may be dealing with something too heavy for her to handle alone. The sound of your voice on the other end of that phone could make all the difference in the world to that person who isn't feeling one-hundred percent. What you should also consider is this; the fact that you thought about them at all and reached out to check on them matters. Don't be so damn self-centered and full of excuses that you end up like Sarah Jane who found out too late how much she really loved her mother. Don't end up living with regrets because you chose not to make time to show a fraction of compassion to the person you say you care about. But, should you chose to ignore what I'm saying to you now, just keep in mind what I said in the title of this article -- Don't Cry Now.
For those of you you who are listening, I'll leave you with this -- Don't Forget To Remember.
By Craig D. Samuels
08/13/2018
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