Today I want to talk about the 800 pound gorilla in the room that most of us avoid discussing that represents our issues, both domestic/personal and social. I want to zero in on the emotional effects that the wounds of painful memories have on men. Back in 2005 I put together a program that was centered around the psychological and emotional functionality and dysfunctionality of brothers who conveniently tuck away their pain. I called it -- Males Are Born, Men Are Developed.
The first question out the blocks is, why? Why do some men store their pain away in what I've termed 'Secrets of the Subconscious'? What are they afraid of? I will tell you; they are afraid of being embarrassed in the face of their vulnerability. They think and feel that if they were to share what it was that is affecting them that it will somehow minimize their manhood. It is the fear of being viewed as weak and impotent. In the mind of that man, weakness and impotence makes for an easy prey; easy to take advantage of and become subjected and/or reintroduced to the trauma that caused his pain to begin with. So, in essence, Secrets of the Subconscious is a coping mechanism that allows him to function on a daily basis by moving in secrecy without giving off the stench of dysfunction and vulnerability. In a sense, he becomes his own hospital, his own counselor, and his own therapist. But we know that he who counsels himself is a fool.
Now, consider this, when one has a health issue that requires immediate attention they make a B-line to the emergency room. Once there, they go through the first leg of the process of getting treatment called ADMITTANCE (now called Triage). It is where they enter your personal data into their system so they know who they're dealing with, also to keep a log of your profile. Then, you must 'admit' to them what the purpose of your visit is, otherwise, they won't know what's wrong with you and cannot apply the appropriate treatment. Therein lies the problem with some men, they suffer in silence for fear of being looked upon as inadequate, less than a man, rather than disclose the nature of their pain and all that it entails. It could be anything from a childhood of physical abuse to being the victim of deprivation and/or benign/malignant neglect. Whatever the cause, the effect is adverse, leaving an indelible mark upon the psyche and the emotional make-up of the affected.
It is virtually impossible to heal yourself when you don't know where to start. It is impossible to become whole again when fear has immobilized you, thus, impeding your progress to achieve a healthy outlook as it relates to your personal development because you won't admit to yourself that something is wrong and you need assistance. That's another thing with our people, too many of us cringe at the idea of seeing a mental health professional to help us pick up the pieces. Many reject this option for FEAR (there's that word again) of being labeled as crazy. No, what is crazy and illogical is having these issues and pretending that you do not. And you wonder why you keep experiencing this domino effect of failed relationships or bouts of depression that hold you hostage, keeping you in a destabilized condition.
It is imperative to know that moving one's self from the intensive care unit to the recovery room without having received the necessary treatment does not automatically make one well. One can only hide the symptoms of serious emotional and psychological damage for so long. The painful memories of untreated wounds will most certainly reveal the truth of your past because it has a presence in your present reality. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable to the fragile part(s) of you does not diminish your manhood whatsoever; on the contrary, it is a defining moment, the moment when you take control of your life and every aspect of it and begin to write your own narrative based on who you are, not what happened to you.
I speak from experience, not opinion. And experience does not allow denial, which is a form of fear and a method of escapism, to cause you to go through life carrying baggage that you do not have to carry because you think that allowing yourself to become transparent for healing purposes makes you a punk. It does not! It makes you a man who recognizes that he needs help, and there is nothing soft, weak, or impotent about that.
I'll end with a quote by Nelson Mandela that says, "Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the triumph over it."
By Craig Samuels
6/13/2018
[IMMEDIATE DOWNLOAD] My Mother's Guilt, My father's Sin: The Death Of Innocence
Please subscribe to my 5-day ecourse: Breaking Free From Painful Memories & Healing the Wounds of Dysfunction https://goo.gl/eUxLGb
The first question out the blocks is, why? Why do some men store their pain away in what I've termed 'Secrets of the Subconscious'? What are they afraid of? I will tell you; they are afraid of being embarrassed in the face of their vulnerability. They think and feel that if they were to share what it was that is affecting them that it will somehow minimize their manhood. It is the fear of being viewed as weak and impotent. In the mind of that man, weakness and impotence makes for an easy prey; easy to take advantage of and become subjected and/or reintroduced to the trauma that caused his pain to begin with. So, in essence, Secrets of the Subconscious is a coping mechanism that allows him to function on a daily basis by moving in secrecy without giving off the stench of dysfunction and vulnerability. In a sense, he becomes his own hospital, his own counselor, and his own therapist. But we know that he who counsels himself is a fool.
Now, consider this, when one has a health issue that requires immediate attention they make a B-line to the emergency room. Once there, they go through the first leg of the process of getting treatment called ADMITTANCE (now called Triage). It is where they enter your personal data into their system so they know who they're dealing with, also to keep a log of your profile. Then, you must 'admit' to them what the purpose of your visit is, otherwise, they won't know what's wrong with you and cannot apply the appropriate treatment. Therein lies the problem with some men, they suffer in silence for fear of being looked upon as inadequate, less than a man, rather than disclose the nature of their pain and all that it entails. It could be anything from a childhood of physical abuse to being the victim of deprivation and/or benign/malignant neglect. Whatever the cause, the effect is adverse, leaving an indelible mark upon the psyche and the emotional make-up of the affected.
It is virtually impossible to heal yourself when you don't know where to start. It is impossible to become whole again when fear has immobilized you, thus, impeding your progress to achieve a healthy outlook as it relates to your personal development because you won't admit to yourself that something is wrong and you need assistance. That's another thing with our people, too many of us cringe at the idea of seeing a mental health professional to help us pick up the pieces. Many reject this option for FEAR (there's that word again) of being labeled as crazy. No, what is crazy and illogical is having these issues and pretending that you do not. And you wonder why you keep experiencing this domino effect of failed relationships or bouts of depression that hold you hostage, keeping you in a destabilized condition.
It is imperative to know that moving one's self from the intensive care unit to the recovery room without having received the necessary treatment does not automatically make one well. One can only hide the symptoms of serious emotional and psychological damage for so long. The painful memories of untreated wounds will most certainly reveal the truth of your past because it has a presence in your present reality. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable to the fragile part(s) of you does not diminish your manhood whatsoever; on the contrary, it is a defining moment, the moment when you take control of your life and every aspect of it and begin to write your own narrative based on who you are, not what happened to you.
I speak from experience, not opinion. And experience does not allow denial, which is a form of fear and a method of escapism, to cause you to go through life carrying baggage that you do not have to carry because you think that allowing yourself to become transparent for healing purposes makes you a punk. It does not! It makes you a man who recognizes that he needs help, and there is nothing soft, weak, or impotent about that.
I'll end with a quote by Nelson Mandela that says, "Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the triumph over it."
By Craig Samuels
6/13/2018
[IMMEDIATE DOWNLOAD] My Mother's Guilt, My father's Sin: The Death Of Innocence
Please subscribe to my 5-day ecourse: Breaking Free From Painful Memories & Healing the Wounds of Dysfunction https://goo.gl/eUxLGb
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